I believe....

I BELIEVE...


I have been a sucky sucky blog friend. I haven't been on here in quite some time {I think the last time was shortly after New Years} & I totally suck it. I apologize. But I'm here to fill anyone {still caring} in on how life is going & perhaps to also let you know about a thing or two that is going on in the world of Di. Aha[good 80's band}...the world of Di ~ always a spinny pink tornado of an existance.

Forgive me for parallell posting this on MySpace but I've been spending {too much} time there & so I thought... two birds...a stone... you get the idea.

So I've moved. It's been awhile coming now & the 5-6 hours of commuting a day was getting to me. Okay, it was sending me careening towards a nervous breakdown. I was panic-attacking every morning & veering off into the land of the ineffective. I couldn't deal anymore. I was getting pushed past limits even I didn't think I was capable of & I'm capable of, well...quite a bit.

Coincidentally, the Blue Island police department came to my family with a settlelement last month. It's finally over. There is no more going to court over the death of my sister & brother-in-law. It's finally just *over*. & fuck it ~ I'm not going to apologize for letting Blue Island grant me a little mental vacation to recouperate from 8 1/2 years of misery. Nope. No apologies. I worked my ass off in grad school {in the wake of my sister's death} & nonethelss I graduated at the top of my class. I was 23 years old. I worked my ass off in the following years during every court date & evil anniversary. It's been hell & I have PAID. I have paid dearly. So now it's Di time. I walked into my new boss' office & resigned 2 weeks ago. I told the hospital that I've loved working for for 8 1/2 years that I'd work through the end of next week but they told me, "Go home. You'll be paid, but we can't have you here". I get it. I was privy to incredibly sensitive medical information. I had my hands in every system there. It's not personal. Still... whatever. I'll take this time to find the right job out here. I might just take awhile to do it, too. I'm going to let my nerves unravel from the tightly wound ball they've been in for nearly a decade. I'm going to let myself be happy. I'm going to try to just... breathe.

"Out here" is Winnebago, Illinois. It's a quiet little town where I already know everyone on the block & they know me. That is a bit disconcerting but it also feels homey & comfy & safe... something I'm not quite used to, but am certainly open to the possiblity of becoming adjusted to. Safe... hmmm.... who would've thought?

And there are those that I share a home with. There's Corey ~ who is wonderful & joyful & has as ecclectic tastes in music as I do. And there are the kittos ~ all 6 of them. I have an entourage of 3 that follow me into every room I go in. There's Old Man ~ the sweet, gentle white cat who can hold his own in a hawk attack {fuck yeah ~ now that's a spirit I like}! There's Spaz ~ my spazzy who is to be the best little whiny boyfriend ever {okay, he *thinks* he's my boyfriend & we just let him b/c life is easier that way~ trust me}, & then there's Punkin ~ the coolest punk girl in the house. They're my tribe. They rule. There's also Momma {with her big 'ol butt} Precious {whose butt is not that much smaller} & Nina. I call Nina "The Liar" b/c she loves on me when Eli isn't home but runs from me when he is. I think she's just afraid of loss & I *get that* so I get her & well, we coexist just fine being scared as hell that people are going to go away. We'll get there.

There's also the boy ~ anyone who is anyone has heard about/or met the boy by now. He's life's biggest blessing & I'm completely in love with him ~ & I'm also just private enough to leave it at that.

CRAZY~ AS I'M WRITING THIS I JUST GOT AN INTERVIEW CALL FOR A JOB THAT I WANT. CROSS YOUR FINGERS & ALL OF YOUR PRETTY TOES. {Spaz is perched on my shoulders @ the moment ~ crazy cat}

I can't complain about it out here. It calms me. There are fun people & enough to see & do. {stop biting my ear, cat!} There are fun girls who actually have thoughts in their heads and boys who care about more than getting drunk & laid. My boy knows good people. I actually found one of my new favorite sleazy garage bands right here in Rockford - The Last Vegas. Gregg & Barbara from Get Hip signed them so you know they're good. Besides, 2 of them toured with The Cynics & Eli knows one of them from scouts...crazy. Check them out.

There are also the boys that come over to play & who I love to cook for. They also have fun tastes in music & dig mud & guns so... I'm there.

I know I'm only 1 1/2 hours away {in good traffic} but I'm still grieving the city. I've grieved that I haven't had the guts to call up my girls, Shan & Dawn, to tell them I'm going. I'm grieving my Rod & Tony ~ some of the best, most trustworthy guyfriends a girl can have. I'm greiving fresh sushi @ lunch & Akira. I'm grieving Victory's Banner & Reckless Records. I'm grieving being able to shoot over to a Wednesday night show at The Empty Bottle or The Subterranean or The Mutiny {That Ed is the best *stuff*}. I'm definitely grieving not living 5 blocks from Sox park. I love my Sox. I'm also grieving all of the little places I love to go to buy shoes {& if you think I'm divulging those locations you are seriously psychotic}.

But there are trade-offs. There's a level of serenity that I've never experienced {no Firefly jokes}. I found a grocery store yesteday that sells tofu and Ethnic Gourmet lunches. I'm fairly close to the Rev, which means I can stop in like an old regular & get my Bob-O doses. {Wait! Am I going to become a regular like Donny or Larson?!?!? ~ this may take some thinking...} There are Sunday morning eggs with really rad folk or Sunday afternoon Indian food with people that always set the wheels in my brain a'turnin'. I found a German deli & while they don't sell Kinder eggs I have found a place to order dozens online so my boys and my kids {my cousins Thomas & Mal} will have their Easter baskets. Come on! No Easter basket is complete without Kinders...

Hey ~ sidenote~ Johnny Marr has officially joined Modest Mouse. Yeah, you read that right. What the fuck?!?! But don't worry, he hasn't made them sound like the Smiths.... now they just sound exactly like Talking Heads ~ but worse.

*Another sidenote* Joey & Christine, no more New Moons on Mondays for 2007 so we'll have to make up our own "All Duran Duran" days. Let me know...

Maximo Park is coming to Chicago & The Hold Steady is coming as well. I'm *so* there. Also, the boy & I are revisting Naken Raygun @ the end of April & HELL YEAH to that!!

Don't fret about my John Popperin' because Eli & I are already arguing about where we're Blues Travelin' to next. He wants Hawaii or London. I want... everywhere but I *know* I can show him a blast in London so perhaps on the next break he gets {I'll let him tell you about that} we'll be UK-bound. *fingers crossed* Hopefully I may even get to Ohio before I have to start working again {yawn}. I'll let you know.

Did I mention that there's a spookhouse closeby called Raven's Grin ~ it's right by Eli's awesome gram's house & it's open 365 days a year {Shan, Dawn, Rod, Tony.... you listening?} and it's AMAZING!!! I spent the whole 75 minutes laughing & jumping & clapping {& making fun of rushing frat boys, but that is a story for another day}. Point is... I'm a dick. I'm sorry I left. Come visit me.

Okay, I'm off to a market that Corey tells me will have gruyere cheese so I can make dinner. Later for you....

LOVES y'all. I shall leave you with a song I've had stuck in my head for a few years.

stripes, straps, stars & shoes,

~di
)O(


Steve Wonder ~ I believe

Shattered dreams, worthless years,
Here am I encased inside a hollow shell,
Life began, then was done,
Now I stare into a cold and empty well.

The many sounds that meet our ears, the sights our eyes behold,
Will open up our merging hearts,
And feed our empty souls.

I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever,
I believe when I fall in love this time it will be forever.

Without despair we will share,
And the joys of caring will not be replaced,
What has been must never end
And with the strength we have wont be erased,
When the truths of love are planted firm,
They wont be hard to find,
And the words of love I speak to you will echo in your mind.

I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever,
I believe when I fall in love this time it will be forever.

I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever,
I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever.

Im so glad that I found someone to believe in again,
Im so glad that I found someone to believe in again.

God surely answered my prayer,
God surely answered by prayer,
You know God surely answered my prayer,
You know God surely answered my prayer,
God always will answer your prayers,
Believe in one who will answer my prayer,
Thank you god.

Come on, lets fall in love,
Youre the woman Ive been waiting for,
Come on, lets fall in love,
Youre the girl that I really adore,
Come on, lets fall in love...

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You...

WHAT BRENDA SPENCER, THE BOOMTOWN RATS AND LADYDI ALL HAVE IN COMMON.....

)O(

DAMN RIGHT YOU'LL RISE AGAIN!!

"I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills year if it kills me....

It almost killed me."
-The Hold Steady


2006 was a year of reckoning - a bit of a whirlwind - transiton, change, growth...healing. yeah, lots of that stuff.

I wanted to give you all a gift & the best one I can give you is the link to my favorite music reviewer's essay about 2006 (he's also my dear friend, Uncle Fester) and a short blurb about my year. Please enjoy & raise one- knock it down for those who can't drink with us- and drink up. *SVEIKS!!*

January started with the end of a horrid holiday season during which I lost my beloved Auntie-Soul-Mate. I miss her every single day. But Spring did it's part as it always does - ushering in warmth of weather & heart - also reconnection with many wonderful friends & return to the land of the living.

Summer was kicked off w/ Cinco de OH-MY-OH!! & continued to be the season of crazy fun with Elise, Shan & Dawn. A plethora of girly memories were made & hangovers were photographed- YOWSA!! There were Chinese karaoke nights where I declared Britney Spears' song Toxic "the best song EVER" and Zoolander street fights. There were Neo dance parties and all kinds of crazy cameos. The Charlie's Angels of Homer were in rare form. Thursday nights brought a ritual of Shan & I professing our love for all things "McDreamy" {or Ronald Miller, in my case}. There were a lot of big sunglasses and a maybe a big pink cowboy hat or two. *grin*

This year was the 8th anniversary of my sister and brother-in-law being gone and also was the one year anniversary of the horrendous event that took my 3 dear firends, John, Michael and Doug away -a dark spot on this year and likely many years to come.

But despite the grief, I turned 31 & claimed the day back. I even had a truckload of roses from a special friend who made a horrid day far better than it could have been.

Fall brought haunted housing with my dearest Tony, Rod, Dawn & Shan - as well as the "Season of Shows". Shan, Dawn and I sure did make the scene with Tony, Aaron, Jarrett, and others with the The Cynics, Radio Birdman,.The Epoxies, Twilight Singers, TV on the Radio, The Hold Steady, Frank Black and Riot Fest. Also of note were The Last Vegas & the New Years Eve blow-out with The Saps, Scott Biram and Th' Legendary Shack*Shakers. This year I also found (with help from many) a thousand other bands I can't even begin to list.

Riot Fest - 11/5/06- brought the beautiful black angel into my life that I had given up existed. Everyday since has been magical. I am so blessed. These last 2 months of 2006 have been full of joy, wonder and *~*~*twirling**~*. Sleep and eating have returned {for the most part} and a big move is planned for the very near future.

The Sox didn't repeat but I did get to catch 6 rad games and have fun times with all kinds of friends.

I visited San Fran for work and Akron for fun to see my friend Steve in October. Five years is too long to go without seeing good friends.

I got a new tattoo that is startastic in November & was lucky enough to have an old friend there to take pictures of the whole thing.

While I did get into my annual car wreck the week before Christmas, I had Shan & Eli there to pick me up from the scene & from the emotional outfall that followed. I hear driving lessons are in my future. I've been through so many cars by my age that I'm not objecting.

I wrote a lot. Maybe too much. Those of you familiar with my blog may agree.

I had Project Runway "Mother-Fucking Walk-Offs" with my soulmate-sister in Connecticut that have left me with hundreds of pictures of me with various baskets on my head and too many fun memories to count.

Follow your bliss, Daniel Franco!! Santino & Daniel Vosovic - see Kim & I immediately.

I'd like to end this little narcissistic rant by dedicating the year to all of my near and dear lovlies who made 2006 what it was & forever will be in my mind & heart.

Aaron, Albert, Andrae, Andy, Baskethead Vincent, the boys & wives of BigDrag {Joe, Christine, Chris, Jennie, Ed , K Jo, Devin & Laura}, Bob-O, Cat, Corey, The Cynics, Dawnie, Elise, Daniel Franco, Glenn, Tim Gunn, Helen, The Hold Steady, Jarrett, Jason, Jen, John, Johnny, Karen, Kevin Federline, Kim, Marko, Michael, Mikey, Nicole, Paris, The Rev. Rod, Santino, Shantastic, Shooty-the-gaybag, Simon, Steve, Supie, Tony & Daniel *fucking* Vosovic.

If I've forgotten you it is not for lack of love, but for lack of brain cells. I apologize.

& to Eli - who gave me faith again in the intrinsic good of people & helped this pink tornado stop spinning in circles & start *~*~*twirling&twirling&twirling*~*~*

2007 promises *to be* orgasmic. It's a new year folks, and it's waiting for us to claim it & make it a crazy jubilant year. I'm planning a move of job & location. Indeed- I will be leaving the city that has housed me for over 10 years and the job that I've loved for 8 to embark on new beginnings and even greater growth and change. Stay tuned for brand new storylines.

May 2007 bring every one of you health, happiness, twirling and truckloads of quality rock 'n roll. Naked Raygun are back together and The Police are touring - I KNOW!!! {Sidenote: scroll down for the lyrics to best song of the year from the best album of the year: The Hold Steady: Boys & Girls in America. {& if you haven't checked out The Cynics yet - what is WRONG with you????}

stripes, straps, stars & shoes,

**stars**xxx*xoxoxoxoxo*xxx**stars**

)O(

di

Here it is: the raddest musical wrap-up you can ever read: {do it, bitches}

http://www.fastnbulbous.com/lucky06.htm

Song of the year:

The Hold Steady - Boys & Girls in America

Stuck Between Stations: introduction by Craig Finn "This song is about art, it's about love, it's about depression, it's about God and alcohol, it's about faith and it's about everything else that's important to me and this band."

there are nights when i think that sal paradise was right. boys and girls in america have such a sad time together.
sucking off each other at the demonstrations.
making sure their makeup's straight.
crushing one another with collossal expectations.
dependent, undisciplined, sleeping late.

she was a really cool kisser and she wasn't all that strict of a christian.
she was a damn good dancer but she wasn't all that great of a girlfriend.
he likes the warm feeling but he's tired of all the dehydration.
most nights were crystal clear but tonite its like it's stuck between stations
on the radio.

the devil and john berryman took a walk together
they ended up on washington talking to the river
he said "I surrounded myself with doctors and deep thinkers
but big heads with soft bodies make for lousy lovers".
there was that night that we thought that john berryman could fly.
but he didnt so he died.
she said "you're pretty good with words but words won't save your life"
and they didn't so he died.

he was drunk and exhausted but he was critically acclaimed and respected.
he loved the golden gophers but he hated all the drawn out winters.
he likes the warm feeling but he's tired of all the dehydration.
most nights were kind of fuzzy but that last night he had total retention.

these twin city kisses.
sound like clicks and hisses.
and we all come down and drown in the mississippi river.

we drink
we dry up.
we crumble into dust.

we get wet we corrode
we get covered in rust.

*LIVE WELL*

la luna )O( ladydi

This had me crying at my desk in fits of laughter! It's a must-see and it is NOT what you Po Po Po Po think it is!!

)O(

Whew! Glad I got THAT out of my system!!

Hey Bob Way- Can you get behind me really quick?

*~*~*twirling&twirling&twirling*~*~*

pink hearts, orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers, blue diamonds and purple horseshoes,

)O(

you worry too much, kid. it's gonna be all right

Kim wants a new posty. Well there was one. This was it. But I took it down 10 minutes after I posted it because it made me sick. It still does but I'm over that mood so I'm posting it again anyway. I think maybe I just need to stop listening to whiny suicide music. At least for awhile.

was it me who wrote months ago that i was taking down my walls and installing a chain link fence in their place? someone should have slapped me for that optimistic bullshit.

today is one of those -how did i put it earlier?- deep dark empty sticky black suck days. i have anger boiling in my veins and i'm surprised that i haven't broken out in blisters yet. i want to smash everything in my way. the rage makes me want to shake my head and slam it against a wall and tear and yell and fuck it all up. it makes me want to see blood. i want to scream because i really want to cry and i won't be doing that. days like this possess me to quote. it's a big fat dramatic adult-sized temper tantrum of the highest order.

"we are the middle children of history man, no purpose or place. we have no great war, no great depression. our great war is a spiritual one, our great depression is our lives."

i feel myself building them again. i feel me using the erector set that i've created throughout the years to hole up, hanker down, and prepare for attack. why? i'm not sure and that's what is the most unsettling part of these moods. i don't know why i'm so incredibly furious and paranoid. i recognize that there are some things currently that are bothering me but nothing to illicit such vengeful rage and violence. i'm totally fucked.

"when you have insomnia you're never really awake and you're never really asleep."

so i'll turn inward and continue to slowly vanish in plain view of everyone i know. i'll solve the problem by not solving it at all. how does one solve an unidentifiable problem anyway?

"and in exchange for my salary my job will be to never tell people these things that i know. i don't even have to come into the office. i can do this job from home."

i'm sick of myself and the whining and all of it. i'm so over this post before it's even done. i'm so over this angry-girl-who-really-just-needs-a-hug pile of shit. i'm sick of how transparant this all is and how easy i am to read. and the narcissism of even posting this! i think i'm going to throw up. i'm so fucking sick of pretending i believe any of this. ugh!

inhale...exhale.....you worry too much, kid. it's gonna be all right.

inhale....exhale....

i suppose a hug would be nice. the anger is so hot and everything else is so cold in here. in this...worried me.


If Winter Ends

I dreamt of a fever, one that would cure me of this cold, winter-set heart
With heat to melt these frozen tears, burned with reasons as to carry on
Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow
But I swear that I would follow anything, just get me out of here

But you get six months to adapt, and you get two more to leave town
And in the event that you do adapt, we still might not want you around
But I fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
But I know that that's impossible now
And so I drink to stay warm, and to kill selected memories
'Cause I just can’t think anymore about that, or about her tonight

I give myself three days to feel better
Or else I swear I'm driving off a fucking cliff
'Cause if I can’t make myself feel better
How can I expect anyone else to give a shit?

And I scream for the sunlight, or a car to take me anywhere
Just get me past this dead and eternal snow
'Cause I swear that I'm dying, slowly but it's happening
And if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere - just take me there,
Just take me there. Just take me there and lie to me and say it’s gonna be all right
It's gonna be all right, yeah you worry too much kid
It's gonna be all right

-Bright Eyes

Lady Di-Di, where did you go?

I'm SO BEHIND in my blogging!!

(so can I get behind you really quick?)

Here's what Di has been up to: visiting Madonna's baby, Frank Black show, getting a new boss, Fed-Ex breakup, wondering if I'll have a job next week (again!), hanging with my girls, Twilight Singers show, recroding my version of "Daniel Franco, where did you go?", sleep&eat, kitten prayers, Red Bull& vodka, packing to move (sadness AND relief), Jeffrey Sebelia, Riot Fest, visiting Bob-O, and a little of this:

Why, yes indeed, it's been one hell of a couple of weeks. Here's installment numero uno.

A pictorial:

Shan and I pre-Frank Black w/ old friends (and Action City alumni) Adam & Jarrett.
My hair- very dark red.

Frank: all fat, all gay, all good!! Shan: just all good! Lady Di: CREEPY
If I lose my job will someone pay me to go to shows all the time? I'm really good at it! I swear!!

Lookie who I found at the Smart Bar after the show!! The E'nator was there, yes she was and she looked purrrrty.

See you soon & glad to be back!

)O( Lady Di-Di

Naked Freaking RAYGUN!!!

I love that Naked Raygun.
I have so much to post. What a long week.
Skinny jeans may have to wait.
There's lots of rock to write about, as well as new tattoos and did I mention

NAKED RAYGUN???

Fear Not, IT's Coming!!

That's right, the post Queenie has requested:

Sit Down, Shut Up, And Let Me Tell You A Thing Or Two About Skinny jeans

is in the works!!

But there's insomnia, meeeting my new boss, Frank Black, The Twilight Singers and other *ahem* distractions that I'm juggling.

So be patient for the bible on where to get them, how to wear them and, HOW MUCH I LOVES THEM!!!

Can you dig it? I bet you can... )O(

♥

Konichiwa from the suburbs

Saturday night found both Shannon and I home with our parents. It's a great and familiar feeling to pick up the phone and hear, "I need cat litter." and be able to say, "I need to get out for awhile - I'll pick you up." and be on her driveway before one song ends in the car. It was good fun with Mom & Dad #2 last night. Somehow we even got on the topic of donkeys in porn- don't ask me how.

Us in 1998 (despite the time stamp)

Us last night 10.28.06

8 1/2 years later:

Then we threw ourselves into the crawlspace and went hunting for yearbooks, old letters, pictures and other nostalgia. A big fat post in the works on that. My scanner in the city will be necessary. Ah, the burbs. I'm surprised but I haven't broken out in hives yet!

til the future...

)O(

Blues Travein' Di - For Queenie

This one is all for Queenie. Not TO Queenie, but for her.

Okay, it's also for him:

*ahem*

{this is so humbling}

"I could not believe my eyes

When I saw through the voice of a trusted friend

Who needs to humor me and tell me lies

Yeah humor me and tell me lies

And I'll lie too and say I don't mind

And as we seek so shall we find

And when you're feeling open I'll still be here

But not without a certain degree of fear"

Oh good God....

Happy Saturday, Kim!

Love, Blues Travelin' Di )O(

Metro Fun

Okay, one more post about them and I'll give the topic a rest.
Who is the coolest band? You are, The Hold Steady!!
Hells yes.



The Metro going crazy.


Saying goodbye to Chicago.


The Slow Clap Kids.


)O(